Autoflush

My latest enemy: automatic flushing toilets.

I hate when I feed a toilet that flushes as soon as I stand up. There's no chance to inspect and marvel in your latest endeavour! The one thing in my life that is always a surprise is what my poo looks like, and I'll be damned if that's going to be taken away from me! I'm going to make a personal committment to try and never poo in an auto flush toilet again.

Good day to you, sir!

fridays have become my favorite day of the week.

all because i can watch the office and 30 rock.

I shower every 3 days

I didn't really plan on it becoming routine, but it did.

dreams about eric and nick club

Last night I had a dream that I needed emergency back surgery. Probably to keep my spine developing into some kind of terrorist, I'm not sure though. Anyway, I was in the waiting room of the hospital when the dr. came out and told me we have to begin the surgery immediately. I said we could begin as soon as I finished making a blog post about it. Dr. said no, but I pleaded my case. As they were dragging me into the back to start the operation, I remember screaming, "nick has to know what's happening! the club must be informed. I repeat, must be informed!" All this was happening while I was trying to log in on my iphone to make it all happen. crazytown.

also, my flannel has arrived. I can't wait for it to be cold so I can amaze everyone with its radness.

Sick Flannel Alert

so sick. fall is out of control. buy it here

last weekend, my roommate recently modded his xbox 360 and free video games are always a plus. i'm really contemplating purchasing a playstation 3, what with this economy and all. i'm an idiot for having a 401k. oof. but i landed a legitimate job, so college can suck it.

I'm glad I'm not Asian

asians are a weird people, no way around it. All I know is, I'm glad I'm not one of them.

my next order of business

is to get sweatpants fired. that should restore balance back in the universe.
i don't even want know hear his dumb logic on why he doesn't have to wash his hands when he comes out of the bathroom.

viva flannel season

n/t

The Beard Club gets an update

The beard club now has forums. Finally, a place where bearded men can talk to other bearded men about things that concern bearded men. And Al Borland.

Sickest buy for the fall season

you can never go wrong with obnoxious colors and sherpa lining.
i'm gonna give the ES Vasper Flannel a 5 out of 5.

I caved and got an iPhone

I feel like an asshole

some people

don't know how to fucking start and hold conversations on AOL instant messanger.
this isn't quantum physics.

34 glorious days of unemployment

what the fuck is wrong with me?

LA Sucks

Los Angeles sucks. I can't believe it took me a year and a half to realize that, but it's true. There's too many people here, it seems just unnecessary to have this many people call LA home. Plus, the whole city is built outwards, not upwards like normal cities. Yeah the San Andreas fault has something to do with that, as well as being the reason no one has a basement. Basements rule! The stupid freeway is a joke, on and off ramps don't line up and make sense like they do in every other part of the country. Plus there's just no chance the roads here will ever be able to efficiently move the disgusting amount of people.

If you're considering moving to LA, don't. Save yourself the misery and enjoy living anywhere else in the world. I recommend Alaska.

reading on the bus

So. I take the bus to work now. Venice & Inglewood to 2nd & Arizona, I enjoy the trip a lot. I used to just sit on there listening to music and examining the fellow travelers. So many senoritas with little offspring riding the bus too. I love the little ones, how they laugh and smile at everything. I just stare at them while the make it through the aisle. Sometimes they smile at me, sometimes they don't and it really makes my day when the smile at me. Sometimes I try to make a charles manson face but it doesn't always work.

Anyway, now I've learned the wonders of reading on the bus. When you look like you're really into a book or can actually block out the madness people seem different. I used to feel weird when old ladies had to stand on the bus and I wouldn't give up my seat. I mean, I got their first, therefore finders keepers on the chair, i get to sit their. Effin A. Now i dont even have to acknowledge the old ladies who want my seat, I get to feel superior to them. You will not even get my glance, bitch! Take that to scheming hoes.

that's what I"ve been up to and buying new nerf guns. That will come eventually.

anyone i've ever seen wearing huge noise canceling headphones in public places

were always total douche bags.

...ation

Emancipation proclamation declaration masturbation radiation hesitation degradation constipation denotation gratification constellation justification adulation undulation demarcation formulation tabulation indentation maturation connotation irrigation pollination destination coronation abbreviation hibernation transportation cancellation creation equation donation station vacation nation

no online tools/resources were used for this list, only my good ol' noggin. ideally, this will be an ongoing list, so feel free to add to it as you see fit.

l8rz

end of the line

probably around december i started to notice a huge decline of brain activity and lack of simple motor skills in the new hires. sketchy mike, for example, was more then likely bi-polar. one minute he'd be bummed out about his pregnant girlfriend and the next he'd have me pinned on the kitchen floor trying to show me the latest wrestling or dance move or something else to cover up his blatant homosexuality. soon after, he quit. one of my favorite mike quotes aside from wanting his girlfriend to get an abortion was telling me that i was "too leisurely" in my work and then proceeded to finish whatever i was doing stating that "jesus hates the slothful." if twenty people are on the books, rather than eighty to one hundred, you would take your time too. either way i'm still getting paid until 11:00pm.

i don't understand it. i wash dishes. it's a pretty sweet gig for $11 an hour and the majority of the time, i'm usually eating, walking around center city, drinking arizona tall cans, occasionally napping, listening to my ipod and lying about a vast amount of my work hours. i'm not looking for scholarly discussion by any means. eddie is probably the only other dishwasher who isn't retarded. he's got a real job doing video production work, so he just comes and goes as he pleases for extra cash. great hustle. he said "somehow this job brings out the absolute worst in people. " which is completely true, some wiener quit a few weeks in less than 60 minutes over a smoking dispute. as for bruce, or as i call sweatpants. he's nice but, he can't be real. he HAS to be a figment of my imagination. today he plans to do ecstasy while at work and if i decide to go in, first i'm going to break a whole bunch of glassware and secondly i'm going to blast danzig. he recently got his friend steve a job. this kid is also cut of out the same cloth. what really bums me out about him, is that he's got his neck tattooed. it's nothing cool either. its his fucking initials and they're really small. fuck, if i got my neck tattooed, it would take up the entire side of my neck. if you get your hands or neck tattooed, you should be hard as nails, but no. steve is a total nancy.

the next post will be all about bruce and mike's views on life, love, and vigilante activities.

Billy Mays

If I ever meet Billy Mays, I know what I'll say to him. I'd tell him he was the reason I grew a beard. And, would he like a documentary made about his awesomeness.

People seem to like chuck norris these days, I don't know why. Billy Mays is clearly superior to him. Ever see chuck scream about a cleaning product so much that you feel you just have to buy it? Didn't think so.

Long Live Billy Mays.

Boxer briefs

I don't know about your current underwear preferences, but I wish I tried boxer briefs earlier. They seem to solve my problem of the top of my asshole being exposed. And they're not nearly as tight as I thought they'd be. They're not loose, but they're not tight. They're super.

If you're looking for a change, try boxer briefs for a couple days.

salut.

PEPPERONI PIZZA HOT POCKETS

i don't know why or how, but these are so addicting. my favorite small meal/snack as of lately.
eating 3 boxes in a matter of 16 hours probably isn't good for my cholesterol. i'll figure it out sooner or later, i think i'll eat as many as i can to be a contestant on wing bowl next year.