Friday, December 25, 2009

lesson learned

3 pounds of bacon (baked) will produce 11 ounces of grease. What remains is 2 pounds 5 ounces of consumable meat.

.together we form an alliance.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

things found while cleaning

glow in the dark smiley face candle
loan payment instructions
half a viagra
letters from mom

Monday, November 23, 2009

Monday, August 31, 2009

I hope it burns to the ground

LA is on fire. Have you heard? Looks like a baby mushroom cloud just sitting in the sky.

This might be the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

this week I hate

batteries and brake pads. two things designed to do nothing else but fail.

Oh to be a Rockefeller.

Monday, August 24, 2009

i can't use aim

because a husky blind girl wants to be my boyfriend. maybe someday i'll figure it out.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

changes to everyday objects

a small hallucinogen added to every tube of chap stick/lib balm/gloss could do many wonderful things. imagine the middle schools inundated with hormonal pre teens tripping in an almost unified bliss. oh to be young again.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

not a big fan of my roommate's fat ass girlfriend.

this isn't the continental breakfast at howard johnson's. please stop eating my food.

Monday, August 3, 2009

the trap is set

to take over the world, starting with shark buildings!

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Friday, July 31, 2009

Thursday, July 30, 2009

shark week in...3 days!

Imagine what you could do with a shark at your disposal.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

you know your life sucks when

your dad is a fan of his favorite pornographic actresses on the facebook.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Monday, June 15, 2009

this is what its like

when me and eric lived together. minus all the coke.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Hot dogs

I love hot dogs when the smell of burnt matches is in the air. Pasta does not go well with the match odor though, it works better when there's a hint of Pledge in the air. Grape drink compliments both of these scenarios extremely well.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

my roommate stomps around

its pretty ridiculous.


so i bought one of those tree air fresheners for my car and its called "black ice." the name alone is pretty metal. needless to say i was stoked. so i assumed it'd be reminiscent of burning tires or the smell of fireworks. nope, it smells like axe body spray! what a rip, i mean i guess that cool because i've never partied with the cologne crowd.

also college is stupid, i'm back and i already hate it. russian criminals (and generally all successful thieves) are right, working is for idiots. maybe i'm just cranky because i have to wake up entirely too early than i'm used to in the past 5 years. on the plus side, dude in my math class looks like mitch hedberg

double also these matix business pants totally tits. get them here

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

college version 2.1

just picture me learin'
flossin a benz on rims that isn't stolen

Sunday, April 12, 2009


oatmeal and raisin bran eaten regularly has drastically improved my bowel movements. fyi

Friday, February 13, 2009

I haven't owned a comb

In over two years, I've been getting by using my fingers and the length adjustment jawn on my trimmer. But my hair is pretty long and unruly, so it might be time to cave. Should I go for a cheap ass black one from the liquor store, or get s fancy thang from target?

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Reo Bailey Dennis

Rest In Power.
You were a light and inspiration to us all.
May you find the peace that was so impossible to find.