eric and nick club

ranger

2011-06-01T23:11:00.000-07:00

times were better when we were all jobless and in school.

losing friends sucks, tattoo removal really sucks.

2011-02-14T05:50:00.000-08:00

the holidays suck

2010-12-16T11:31:00.000-08:00

don't be caught snoozing in the early morning hours from a long night of boozing.

things i've almost gotten fired for:

2010-11-16T16:14:00.000-08:00

-not buying the right brand of generic coffee creamer.
-not ironing the lab coats properly or pretreating them with a stain lifter.
-taking two days off for not having a car in drivable condition.
-sass mouthing the VPs.
-dressing like a slob.

things that have seemingly gone unnoticed:
-my friends faxing me gay porn.
-extended lunches.
-purchases on the company card.
-hiding glue traps in the ceiling and hiding in general.

i'm wasting away and not sleeping

2010-11-15T02:41:00.000-08:00

thanks, sobriety.

corey feldman

2010-10-04T00:00:00.001-07:00

that is all.

took ya long enough

2010-07-15T21:40:00.000-07:00

slow down

2010-06-17T21:59:00.001-07:00

i've been racin' all my life

Chief Frying Pan

2010-04-07T11:51:00.001-07:00

a glimpse of things to come.

an open letter to my dad and facebook

2010-02-28T18:39:00.000-08:00

dad, you're my bff and all but please stop becoming a fan of everyone and everything in the adult film industry. it bums me out you're a fan of peter north, two and a half men, and cheese steaks. Facebook, you should really keep a better eye on this situation.

I hate doing taxes, but

2010-02-07T15:29:00.000-08:00

love getting 'free money' from the man; the lunacy of this concept is not lost on me, I assure you.

Pardon my stream of thought, if you will, below:

All of my hard earned money is only represented by ever changing pixels I see on various screens. Why does it hurt so much to see the loan companies and landlords and cable companies and bars and grocery stores and restaurants and hospitals take my pixels? Since when did fucking pixels mean that much to me? Even the rare bills that wind up in my possession are worthless. Pretty pieces of paper with nothing to back them, just a means of exchange for more Excedrin pm. My pockets might as well be filled with egg shells and cum rags and finger nails and broken glass and dirty napkins and sticker backings and dead batteries and bottle caps and envelopes and candy wrappers and dryer lint and bloody tampons and ultra absorbent toilet paper. Same shit different name, and it all happens to be made of corn and oil and wood. Literally the same shit.

Can the wool be pulled even further over my eyes? Has this shit storm frustrated anyone else to the point of psychosis?

Something's gotta give. Perhaps it will be my skull as I pound it against the asphalt in a vain attempt to stop the madness.

see you in six months sallie mae

2010-01-28T12:20:00.000-08:00

deferment numero uno

its a long, long free fall.

2010-01-16T21:32:00.000-08:00

all i wanted to eat was a slim jim thats been in my car since christmas; no dice. ended up getting drunk by myself and eating nearly expired spaghetti and meatballs. viva life in the 22nd century.

red

2010-01-05T23:15:00.001-08:00

lesson learned

2009-12-25T13:36:00.000-08:00

3 pounds of bacon (baked) will produce 11 ounces of grease. What remains is 2 pounds 5 ounces of consumable meat.

.together we form an alliance.

things found while cleaning

2009-12-15T00:09:00.000-08:00

glow in the dark smiley face candle

loan payment instructions

tweezers

$2.41

half a viagra

letters from mom

Mundae

2009-11-23T15:01:00.000-08:00

I hope it burns to the ground

2009-08-31T17:06:00.000-07:00

LA is on fire. Have you heard? Looks like a baby mushroom cloud just sitting in the sky.

This might be the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

this week I hate

2009-08-29T00:09:00.000-07:00

batteries and brake pads. two things designed to do nothing else but fail.

Oh to be a Rockefeller.

i can't use aim

2009-08-24T20:03:00.000-07:00

because a husky blind girl wants to be my boyfriend. maybe someday i'll figure it out.

changes to everyday objects

2009-08-12T23:38:00.000-07:00

a small hallucinogen added to every tube of chap stick/lib balm/gloss could do many wonderful things. imagine the middle schools inundated with hormonal pre teens tripping in an almost unified bliss. oh to be young again.

not a big fan of my roommate's fat ass girlfriend.

2009-08-08T09:03:00.000-07:00

this isn't the continental breakfast at howard johnson's. please stop eating my food.

the trap is set

2009-08-03T00:17:00.001-07:00

to take over the world, starting with shark buildings!

theres also sharks in step brothers.

2009-08-02T21:38:00.000-07:00

best bff tattoos.

...one day

2009-08-01T21:30:00.001-07:00

(bad pic)

...2 days!

2009-07-31T15:05:00.000-07:00

shark week in...3 days!

2009-07-30T11:40:00.000-07:00

Imagine what you could do with a shark at your disposal.

you know your life sucks when

2009-06-25T17:05:00.000-07:00

your dad is a fan of his favorite pornographic actresses on the facebook.

i skipped class today

2009-06-17T18:54:00.001-07:00

picture me failin'

this is what its like

2009-06-15T15:48:00.000-07:00

when me and eric lived together. minus all the coke.

Hot dogs

2009-05-30T12:23:00.000-07:00

I love hot dogs when the smell of burnt matches is in the air. Pasta does not go well with the match odor though, it works better when there's a hint of Pledge in the air. Grape drink compliments both of these scenarios extremely well.

my roommate stomps around

2009-05-26T19:20:00.001-07:00

its pretty ridiculous.

stupid

2009-05-26T19:00:00.000-07:00

so i bought one of those tree air fresheners for my car and its called "black ice." the name alone is pretty metal. needless to say i was stoked. so i assumed it'd be reminiscent of burning tires or the smell of fireworks. nope, it smells like axe body spray! what a rip, i mean i guess that cool because i've never partied with the cologne crowd.

also college is stupid, i'm back and i already hate it. russian criminals (and generally all successful thieves) are right, working is for idiots. maybe i'm just cranky because i have to wake up entirely too early than i'm used to in the past 5 years. on the plus side, dude in my math class looks like mitch hedberg

double also these matix business pants totally tits. get them here

college version 2.1

2009-04-15T10:53:00.000-07:00

just picture me learin'
flossin a benz on rims that isn't stolen

Fiber

2009-04-12T12:54:00.000-07:00

oatmeal and raisin bran eaten regularly has drastically improved my bowel movements. fyi

I haven't owned a comb

2009-02-13T08:41:00.001-08:00

In over two years, I've been getting by using my fingers and the length adjustment jawn on my trimmer. But my hair is pretty long and unruly, so it might be time to cave. Should I go for a cheap ass black one from the liquor store, or get s fancy thang from target?

Reo Bailey Dennis

2009-01-25T06:58:00.000-08:00

Rest In Power.
You were a light and inspiration to us all.
May you find the peace that was so impossible to find.

Autoflush

2008-12-13T18:45:00.000-08:00

My latest enemy: automatic flushing toilets.

I hate when I feed a toilet that flushes as soon as I stand up. There's no chance to inspect and marvel in your latest endeavour! The one thing in my life that is always a surprise is what my poo looks like, and I'll be damned if that's going to be taken away from me! I'm going to make a personal committment to try and never poo in an auto flush toilet again.

Good day to you, sir!

fridays have become my favorite day of the week.

2008-11-19T19:55:00.000-08:00

all because i can watch the office and 30 rock.

I shower every 3 days

2008-10-24T18:42:00.001-07:00

I didn't really plan on it becoming routine, but it did.

dreams about eric and nick club

2008-10-14T17:00:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a dream that I needed emergency back surgery. Probably to keep my spine developing into some kind of terrorist, I'm not sure though. Anyway, I was in the waiting room of the hospital when the dr. came out and told me we have to begin the surgery immediately. I said we could begin as soon as I finished making a blog post about it. Dr. said no, but I pleaded my case. As they were dragging me into the back to start the operation, I remember screaming, "nick has to know what's happening! the club must be informed. I repeat, must be informed!" All this was happening while I was trying to log in on my iphone to make it all happen. crazytown.

also, my flannel has arrived. I can't wait for it to be cold so I can amaze everyone with its radness.

Sick Flannel Alert

2008-10-07T12:56:00.000-07:00

so sick. fall is out of control. buy it here

last weekend, my roommate recently modded his xbox 360 and free video games are always a plus. i'm really contemplating purchasing a playstation 3, what with this economy and all. i'm an idiot for having a 401k. oof. but i landed a legitimate job, so college can suck it.

I'm glad I'm not Asian

2008-09-24T18:53:00.001-07:00

asians are a weird people, no way around it. All I know is, I'm glad I'm not one of them.

my next order of business

2008-09-24T05:16:00.000-07:00

is to get sweatpants fired. that should restore balance back in the universe.
i don't even want know hear his dumb logic on why he doesn't have to wash his hands when he comes out of the bathroom.

viva flannel season

2008-09-22T22:32:00.001-07:00

n/t

The Beard Club gets an update

2008-09-17T00:47:00.001-07:00

The beard club now has forums. Finally, a place where bearded men can talk to other bearded men about things that concern bearded men. And Al Borland.

Sickest buy for the fall season

2008-08-27T17:45:00.001-07:00

you can never go wrong with obnoxious colors and sherpa lining.
i'm gonna give the ES Vasper Flannel a 5 out of 5.

I caved and got an iPhone

2008-08-13T23:46:00.001-07:00

I feel like an asshole

some people

2008-08-04T22:52:00.000-07:00

don't know how to fucking start and hold conversations on AOL instant messanger.
this isn't quantum physics.

34 glorious days of unemployment

2008-07-29T11:03:00.000-07:00

what the fuck is wrong with me?

LA Sucks

2008-07-24T12:00:00.000-07:00

Los Angeles sucks. I can't believe it took me a year and a half to realize that, but it's true. There's too many people here, it seems just unnecessary to have this many people call LA home. Plus, the whole city is built outwards, not upwards like normal cities. Yeah the San Andreas fault has something to do with that, as well as being the reason no one has a basement. Basements rule! The stupid freeway is a joke, on and off ramps don't line up and make sense like they do in every other part of the country. Plus there's just no chance the roads here will ever be able to efficiently move the disgusting amount of people.

If you're considering moving to LA, don't. Save yourself the misery and enjoy living anywhere else in the world. I recommend Alaska.

reading on the bus

2008-07-08T21:08:00.000-07:00

So. I take the bus to work now. Venice & Inglewood to 2nd & Arizona, I enjoy the trip a lot. I used to just sit on there listening to music and examining the fellow travelers. So many senoritas with little offspring riding the bus too. I love the little ones, how they laugh and smile at everything. I just stare at them while the make it through the aisle. Sometimes they smile at me, sometimes they don't and it really makes my day when the smile at me. Sometimes I try to make a charles manson face but it doesn't always work.

Anyway, now I've learned the wonders of reading on the bus. When you look like you're really into a book or can actually block out the madness people seem different. I used to feel weird when old ladies had to stand on the bus and I wouldn't give up my seat. I mean, I got their first, therefore finders keepers on the chair, i get to sit their. Effin A. Now i dont even have to acknowledge the old ladies who want my seat, I get to feel superior to them. You will not even get my glance, bitch! Take that to scheming hoes.

that's what I"ve been up to and buying new nerf guns. That will come eventually.

anyone i've ever seen wearing huge noise canceling headphones in public places

2008-06-16T20:37:00.000-07:00

were always total douche bags.

...ation

2008-05-30T02:02:00.000-07:00

Emancipation proclamation declaration masturbation radiation hesitation degradation constipation denotation gratification constellation justification adulation undulation demarcation formulation tabulation indentation maturation connotation irrigation pollination destination coronation abbreviation hibernation transportation cancellation creation equation donation station vacation nation

no online tools/resources were used for this list, only my good ol' noggin. ideally, this will be an ongoing list, so feel free to add to it as you see fit.

l8rz

end of the line

2008-05-24T08:52:00.000-07:00

probably around december i started to notice a huge decline of brain activity and lack of simple motor skills in the new hires. sketchy mike, for example, was more then likely bi-polar. one minute he'd be bummed out about his pregnant girlfriend and the next he'd have me pinned on the kitchen floor trying to show me the latest wrestling or dance move or something else to cover up his blatant homosexuality. soon after, he quit. one of my favorite mike quotes aside from wanting his girlfriend to get an abortion was telling me that i was "too leisurely" in my work and then proceeded to finish whatever i was doing stating that "jesus hates the slothful." if twenty people are on the books, rather than eighty to one hundred, you would take your time too. either way i'm still getting paid until 11:00pm.

i don't understand it. i wash dishes. it's a pretty sweet gig for $11 an hour and the majority of the time, i'm usually eating, walking around center city, drinking arizona tall cans, occasionally napping, listening to my ipod and lying about a vast amount of my work hours. i'm not looking for scholarly discussion by any means. eddie is probably the only other dishwasher who isn't retarded. he's got a real job doing video production work, so he just comes and goes as he pleases for extra cash. great hustle. he said "somehow this job brings out the absolute worst in people. " which is completely true, some wiener quit a few weeks in less than 60 minutes over a smoking dispute. as for bruce, or as i call sweatpants. he's nice but, he can't be real. he HAS to be a figment of my imagination. today he plans to do ecstasy while at work and if i decide to go in, first i'm going to break a whole bunch of glassware and secondly i'm going to blast danzig. he recently got his friend steve a job. this kid is also cut of out the same cloth. what really bums me out about him, is that he's got his neck tattooed. it's nothing cool either. its his fucking initials and they're really small. fuck, if i got my neck tattooed, it would take up the entire side of my neck. if you get your hands or neck tattooed, you should be hard as nails, but no. steve is a total nancy.

the next post will be all about bruce and mike's views on life, love, and vigilante activities.

Billy Mays

2008-04-02T18:07:00.000-07:00

If I ever meet Billy Mays, I know what I'll say to him. I'd tell him he was the reason I grew a beard. And, would he like a documentary made about his awesomeness.

People seem to like chuck norris these days, I don't know why. Billy Mays is clearly superior to him. Ever see chuck scream about a cleaning product so much that you feel you just have to buy it? Didn't think so.

Long Live Billy Mays.

Boxer briefs

2008-03-26T18:54:00.000-07:00

I don't know about your current underwear preferences, but I wish I tried boxer briefs earlier. They seem to solve my problem of the top of my asshole being exposed. And they're not nearly as tight as I thought they'd be. They're not loose, but they're not tight. They're super.

If you're looking for a change, try boxer briefs for a couple days.

salut.

PEPPERONI PIZZA HOT POCKETS

2008-01-26T22:26:00.000-08:00

i don't know why or how, but these are so addicting. my favorite small meal/snack as of lately.
eating 3 boxes in a matter of 16 hours probably isn't good for my cholesterol. i'll figure it out sooner or later, i think i'll eat as many as i can to be a contestant on wing bowl next year.

SO LONG COLLEGE

2007-11-20T21:14:00.000-08:00

a leopard can carry two times its body weight into a tree.

10 hit combo

2007-11-05T15:39:00.000-08:00

Epic.

Professor Barksworth Found

2007-10-29T12:11:00.000-07:00

The legend was found. Now his memory will live on as long as this blog.

Please discuss.

THE CARNIVAL WILL CARRY ON

2007-10-04T22:11:00.000-07:00

this is the best picture i'll ever take on a camera phone while driving.

what i miss most about living in the city...

2007-08-13T17:35:00.000-07:00

free magazine subscriptions under hilarious fake names.

FUCK YOU BEEHIVE

2007-06-26T21:37:00.000-07:00

Invogramreductionator

2007-05-16T22:28:00.000-07:00

New vid, it's dope